Readers and fellow bloggers

My last entry was April of this year and it was about my take on the proposal of SK abolishment. Since I entered Law School at the Ateneo, I somewhat stopped from blogging. This can be attributed to the change in lifestyle since I have to adjust to the demands of Law shool. However, Life without blogging seems impossible. Each day will pass and I will surely have thoughts on the various issues which beset our country and even the world. Not everyone is given the avenue and opportunity to express their thoughts. It does not seem right that I will just let every issue pass and hope that we will have time in class to discuss it. Blogging gives me that satisfaction to share my thoughts, to express myself, and to take part in the public discussions.

I do not want to just be a regular observer hoping that things will be better. As a member of the educated few, I ought to use what I learned and what I know to shake the system. From this day forward, expect my entries on issues surrounding our very existence, our being a people, and about ordinary things which proves to be consistent with the way we live our lives. Join me in this endeavor and invite more Filipinos to the blogging community. Together, let us shake the system and voice out our opinion.

Silence…

We often say what we think and feel. Our world today allows us to express ourselves in different means..podcast, sms, blogs, songs, artworks, etc. Some people prefers to keep it to themselves. Some opt to differ by showing it extensively by rebellion or being a non-conformist.

Silence, people say is a sound expression. Hearing this will make one think, how can silence be so sound? Well,most people are men of few words. A smile, laughter, straight face or the like will tell their mood or feeling. Most often, we see silence as a tool for coercion. Silent treatment is so cruel. By doing this, we forbid the existence of someone is our world. We exist without coexisting with that person.

Also, we should see silence as euphemism. We keep quiet and keep our views or feelings to ourselves because of the fear that we might offend people when we express or say it. When we do not have anything nice or pleasant to say about other people, we keep quiet. Sometimes, when we are offended or mad.. we say..its okay and we understand. But in reality, we are hurting. Failed expectations or should I say frustrations are at times best expressed through silence. Keeping quiet does not mean that we are okay with the status quo, it can also mean that we just do not want ot rock the boat.

Silence.. includes heavy breaths,  smiles, grins, and few words. Silence can be deafening, controlling, and weakening. Being mute can be God-given or person-initiated. We do not ran out of words, we just choose to be silent and exhale with a heavy heart. Silence can be cruel. Silence can be torture. Silence is deadly.

So when people around you are silent, at least you now have an idea, why. They can have problems, or they just enjoy the peacefulness of being quiet. Shhh..

And there was silence reposted

half-glass empty, hollow chocolate, flattened spirit

rejection, incomplete, damnedand there can a thought amidst tides of hopelessnessnew beginning perhaps, unresolved, untidy, unaware!honesty has no guarantee, coldness has rewards and sherries,down to the ninth, i shall go. not for anything else but solvehollow chocolate, flattened spirit, half-glass emptyand there is none but clouds of false hopeomega for others, murder to some, CRUELTY for me..better to say no, than being nice and slowly dissecting one’s cavityacross the styx, i’ll go…deepen my hell’s worth of feelings-fire it upflattened spirit, half-glass empty, hollow chocolateforever will indulge in a life-long x-ism, punished, axed, hanged, revolved!captured and unwilling to be freed of some sort,  KILLED! below, scatteredmore cruel than death is a life-long pretend! just say no! and never again,someone will leave and go to a far-off place, but will leave an imprint in oneinferno;fires lit up, for whats worst than being here is having pretended..I am not here, I don’t feel, I’m invincible..for what its worth, thanks! but no thanks!emotions are too powerful, it can kill, it will consume..like fires in the ninth, like flames in hell, like devils in dismay..there will come a time for life-long loneliness, a path perhaps..road to loneliness, incomplete and zig-zag, early death,,,,like love is lost with someone.. death is inevitable.. its frightening..finished, vagueness, abstract, no idea..pretentious reject, just say “NO” and it is in its FINALITY.don’t let a person walk the empty path, don’t be cruel.. don’tif you are enjoyinghtis rudeness, by all means punish me, imprison me and test my patience with your rude, cruel ways..i won’t last, but i’ll try to tolerate.. far more than the physical pain, greater than the inflicted injuries, my spirit is weak, trashed, and alone..holding on no more, it is finished!, I’m EmPtY..EMPTY, eMpTy!  

Searching reposted

Did you ever enter into a room full of people and trying to see if there are any familiar faces? Remember your first day in elementary, high school, and college? Did you even try to make friends with a group of strangers and hoped that you will not be rejected?

We have to admit, the scariest thing is to be alone and a stranger to many people. But greater is the feeling that you are into many groups – barkada, classmates, organizations, councils,and the like and still you feel alone, unsatisfied, – INCOMPLETE! How do we explain this type of loneliness? How can we deal with it? I never thought that I would be like this. Many would say that I almost have everything that I want. I say, I don’t and if ever I do, I don’t like it. Nevertheless, I am thankful for it. I don’t understand. I simply can’t. I wanted to be like everybody else. I want to do a lot of things. I want to enjoy, enjoy, and have fun. I sometimes think that I exhaust myself with things that I don’t even care about? I just don’t know why? I enjoy helping people but i’m not happy with it. I have fun in events, but I’m not happy because of it.

The dilemma now is that, I don’t know what makes me happy? or better..should I be happy? I am TIRED!I want to feel warmness. I want to have ordinary days with good people – sharing stories and reacting to it without hesitation. To laugh, shout, cry, and even curse with no limits…with no ifs and buts, at every spur of the moment, I would like to capture the moment by being the memory. I want to have someone share my stories with, i want to be able to freely express my thoughts, i want to feel that my actions are reciprocated, at least…valued. I don’t want recognition nor fame.. I want to be welcomed without fear, plastic acceptance, or just the heck of it… I am longing for these things… Probably for SOMEONE. That i still don’t know. Sometimes I even ask myself f would go into self-pity. As i come to think of it, this is already an example of it. Many would not believe that I pity myself. That I feel terribly alone, cold, and unwelcomed.

I sometimes envy people. i envy them because of their friends, i envy them because of their happiness, Loveless i suppose! I’m tired of waiting. I would probably give up. I Don’t want to enter into something that I’m not sure of. I don’t like to misinterpret things. I may be at the losing end. Should I take chances? or I continue searching??? Search for her? for someone? I simply do not know. But i want to.. I’m just so alone, cold, and unwelcomed. I sometimes think that people entertain my presence because they pity me… I hope its worth the sadness and coldness. I do hope that she is worth the wait. I’m tired of searching. I might be so busy searching that it never occured to me that the “someone” that i was searching for has always been with me, its just that I don’t want to see her with me. WHY? help me.